This past winter break, I was fortunate enough to go back home and spend the holidays with my family.
I decided to take a long and well deserved break from the majority of the online world. I rarely ever used Facebook, I checked my email once a day (rather than every couple of hours), and I didn’t watch the obscene amount of YouTube videos that I do while I’m in school. It’s a great thing to be able to take a break from it all.
These days it’s hard to figure out where I feel like I “live.”
and there are still 14 days left to go until I can be back home.
about what you have to say?
Is there anyone in your life worth more than your own dreams?
I just need to know that I’ve made an impact in one person’s life…
Who’s life have you changed today?
Today marks the beginning of the 11th week of my sophomore year in college. Summer seemed to both last forever and pass by in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, before realizing, I’m halfway done with my third semester in college.
With the time that I have had to reflect on my self and my freshman experience, I can say with absolutely certainty that I hated freshman year. My roommate situation wasn’t the best. I was thrown into a world that I had never been part of. I was surrounded by people that I couldn’t relate to, nor could they relate to me. I was far away from the people I love. I was simply miserable. However, as time goes by and I have time to think rather than just be, I realize that all of that was my fault. A couple of months ago I decided to sit down and just think about what I wanted to do with myself this year. I was tired of being miserable, and in that process, I realized that I just needed to, as Elsa says, let it go.
But let what go? Everything that was holding me back.
And so, I found an answer to just about everything that made me hate freshman year. I didn’t even bother trying to talk things through with my roommates, therefore, nothing changed. I wasn’t thrown in a world that I had never been part of, I chose to walk into this world that I hope I will be part of. I was surrounded by people who couldn’t relate to me, but I never even tried to relate to them. I was far away from the people I love, but I’m here because of that love.
Yes, this is an entirely new situation for me, but it doesn’t have to be terrible. I just really wish I would have realized all of this sooner…
Because of this epiphany, I decided that from now on everything would be different. I have joined a club and am part of its board. I have an internship as a coordinator in a program that speaks perfectly to my own interests. I am taking the time to truly enjoy the learning aspect of being in college. I’m trying to meet new people and get to know them rather than make rash judgments. I am fundamentally challenging all aspects of myself.
Simply put, I’m happy.
I still don’t feel like I have made those “lifelong” friends you’re supposed to meet in college, but I sure have met some pretty interesting and amazing people here.
Most importantly, for the first time in a long time, I have a clear idea of what I want. I want to start my own business alongside my dad. I want to work for an innovative company (though, I’m still not quite sure of what that entails). I want to start my own organization.
Funny thing is, I even have plans for these ideas. I’m not just blindly saying these things for once.
As of now, I don’t know what my future holds… but I will try everything in my power to make sure that it is as happy and bright as it has been for the last 19 years of my life.
Also…
I have just realized that I need to write more. Not necessarily because I want to write for my readers (which there are next to none of), but because someday, I will want to look back at this and just see what I was like.
And so, if you’re just passing by this and decided to read all the way through, thank you. I hope this has helped you in some way or made you happy in another.
But if you’re Seidy years down the line, I hope you have stayed true to yourself. Even if you do chase the money (since you do need capital for your business 😉 ), don’t forget the hopes you had for yourself in 2014. Remember what you want to change and why.
Thank you,
Seidy
and I’ve been busy.
It’s tough. It’s lonely. A year ago I was looking forward to prom back home, having lots of firsts with my boyfriend and some friends that I honestly should have met way before I did. I was going to the beach (gotta love SoCal weather), buying my prom dress, studying for APs, dreading graduation. Now I am just about done with my first year at college (three more weeks of classes then two of exams). I have lived in Philadelphia for approximately 8 months (with about a month of break in between) and it’s been tough.
I realized today that I have done a very crappy job at making friends. I kept telling myself that it’s alright, I have friends that I know I trust and that I am proud to call friends, but it’s hard sometimes. For example, there was an event today that I really wanted to go to, but wouldn’t because I had no one to go with. Yeah, that seems a bit lame, but it’s kind of annoying to be among so many people and yet be alone. I know I have no reason to be angry with anyone else, but I guess it has taken this long for me to realize that it’s really all on me.
And yet, I don’t feel all that bad about it. I do have to say I have met some amazing people here. One girl in my Korean class reminds me so much of myself and of a few of my best friends. Sadly for me though, she’s graduating this year. Aside from her, I have met so many nice people and caring people at work and in a few of my classes, but none that I can truly call friends or just call up when I want to go out.
I really want to stop letting opportunities pass me by because I feel inadequate following them or even shy sometimes. And yet, I’m pretty content with where I am. I have an amazing person that I can call my best friend, and I have a handful of very close friends. It took me months to build those friendships, but years to meet them. I’m only 19, however, I’ve made the mistake of putting my trust on those who didn’t care for me and quite frankly, I don’t want to do that again, even if it does make me odd in this place.
Who knows… maybe next year will be different. Either way, it is all up to me.
There are only a few things I hate more than slimy, gross, tentacle-y animals and objects, yet I have the amazing fortune of having to read a short essay that describes the feeling of an octopus wrapping its tentacles around in detail as part of my homework. Joy.
I haven’t written in a while and it’s not because I haven’t wanted to… I’ve just… I don’t know.
I have a couple of posts as drafts but I can’t bring myself to finish them. The feeling just isn’t there.
I have so much to write about but I just can’t for whatever reason. I’m tired. I’m helpless. I simply don’t know.
Something amazing happened just a few weeks ago and I’m honestly really happy and grateful for it but it seems as if everything since then has just been bad. Everything from family to friends to school, even work, is just not good. At the same time, I feel as if I shouldn’t be complaining because of the amazing chance I have now. I feel as if I don’t have the right to go to anyone about this or they won’t take it seriously or they simply will be bothered by me. It feels lonely.
frogs bite 